The kind of mom I am

Maybe it’s just me but I feel like there is an internal struggle that happens when I try to be the mom I want to be, versus the mom I feel like I *should* be versus the mom my kids need me to be.

So what kind of mom am I?

Attempting to answer that question was a big chunk of the inspiration for starting this blog. And I don’t expect to arrive at a clear cut answer anytime soon. 

I’m willing to bet most moms out there are on a similar path of self discovery. Or at least they could be if they made the time to stop and take a good hard look at the mom in the mirror. Because at the end of the day, that’s who it’s all about.

The pressure from society that bears down on us moms is daunting. A good bit of progress has been made lately, with much less mom-shaming going on. But I for one can say the feeling of societal pressure is still pretty palpable. 

The concept is an interesting one though, because a huge factor in this is the pressure we put on ourselves. Sure we can place some of the blame on society in general, that’s fair. But we are ultimately responsible for how much we buy into it. We always have complete control over our own individual thoughts, words, and actions. 

We need to break down some of those constructs, throw out the rule book, decide on an individual level what choices we want to make for ourselves and our families. Even there it can become tricky because it is hard to make our choices and live our truths if we cannot be sure what we want, why we want it, what is best, what makes it best according to who, etc! 

But that is the situation we face. And we need to be able to face it, to make the choices, to live the truths, to be the caretakers and to know that it will all ultimately be okay. We are strong. We have each other for support and solidarity. We are not alone. 

I would love for this blog to be a place to normalize the process of figuring out this thing called parenting. To clarify, I am not going to tell you how to do it. How could I?! But maybe we can step back and take in the view of motherhood, the bigger picture, to agree that we do not have to have it all figured out. And maybe we can take comfort in the idea that we are all in this together. 

Throughout these posts I hope to share relatable moments, thoughts and feelings that could potentially make other moms feel less alone. 

I wonder how many others like me look over at the mom in the drop-off line or across the soccer field and immediately involuntarily start comparing and cataloging where they fall short. I have no trouble shooting off a list of things I haven’t done, or am not doing well. I want this blog to be a glimpse into those insecurities partly for my own relief, but also with the hope of connecting.  Finding common ground among other moms and realizing our own greatness and how much we can help each other. 

At times I might share a nostalgic bittersweet memory, or a ridiculous parenting escapade that is so chaotic you just have to laugh. Others posts might seem almost like I am giving permission to myself, as well as whoever is reading, to break one of society’s unwritten mom rules. And some are shared realizations that might be somehow noteworthy or unexpected. 

But most of this is just making space to have those conversations about the pressure of parenting and the importance of taking care of, or even rediscovering the mom in the mirror. If I can help one person, make one person feel heard, seen, or just more normal, I want to do it. Let’s make some space for the mom in the mirror. Get to know her. Appreciate her. And above all, trust her.